Picking the president? Look to the pigs
Forget the polls. Never mind the hundreds of millions in campaign cash. Debates? Pssh ... like those matter.
All one needs to do to determine the winner of the Nov. 6 presidential election is keep a close watch on the decisive races at Great Country Farms in Bluemont; races that will clearly and absolutely predict whether President Barack Obama spends four more years in the White House or Republican Mitt Romney will become No. 45: the Loudoun Pigedential Races.
While Great Country Farms, positioned charmingly at the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains, runs its OinKentucky Derby pig races every fall, spectators this year are privileged to catch the Pigedential.
Three times a day, five days a week, for nearly a month, farm-raised pigs at Bluemont are tagged with politician monikers and pitted against one another. The results are tallied and, thus far, perfect in predicting the next commander-in-chief. It doesn’t get more scientific than the Loudoun Pigedential.
(OK, so they’ve only held the races in one other general election year.)
Lila Anderson was one of the most attentive observers at the Oct. 19 marquee race. Energized with anticipation, the 16-month-old Lila couldn’t keep seated in the moments leading up to the prime race of the political hams. While her parents seemed to think it was another observer’s dog snagging Lila’s attention, it was clear the young girl, just 17 years away from being able to vote, was merely too eager to see the stances of the contestants to stay in one place.
Around 4 p.m., Lila’s eyes were fixated on the small barn from which the hogs would scamper out.
Suddenly, “Hail to the Chief” blared on the loud speakers.
“Welcome to Great Country Farms to our OinKentucky Derby, are you guys ready to get hog-wild?” the emcee shouted to cheers from the common political analysts.
Minutes later, Boarack Oinkbama and Mitt Hogney went head-to-head in a nail-biter. Oinkbama led nearly the whole lap, as Hogney went off course mid-run. In the final quarter of the track, Hogney made a heartfelt push, but couldn’t surpass Oinkbama.
Fear not, Republicans; as with the so-called “real thing,” the Pigedential is a long, trying process. The final results from the 50 or 60 races will be announced at the farm Oct. 31.
GOP supporters did get a win in one of the minor contests. Ms. Piggy Palin sped past Hogllary Clinton, Squeak Oinkbama and Ham Hogney.
“Does anyone know how I can tell that was Ms. Piggy Palin?” the emcee posited, “She was the one with the lipstick.”
Race two, which featured a kicker, saw Paul Ram Ryan contest Billy Joe Biden. As the barn doors opened, and the crowd of 100 observers waited for the Hampshire and Yorkshire pigs, out stepped two goats.
“I always knew our vice presidents were a little goatish,” remarked the emcee.
Lila, dressed in a brown polka-dot dress, was enchanted.
James and Kristen Anderson of Leesburg brought their daughter to Great Country to pick pumpkins, savor a brilliant fall day and get a more lighthearted dose of politics.
“While we are in a unique location in Loudoun,” James Anderson commented on the local swing county status, “I think we can be influenced from across the world with social media and the Internet just as easily as we can by what’s happening locally.”
Great Country’s fall events culminate this year with Glow Nights Oct. 26-27, when 3,000 hand-carved, jack-o-lanterns illuminate the farm in the fall darkness.
- Charter school amendment approved in General Assembly session
- UPDATE: Contender for School Board At Large seat enters ring
- 2015 Virginia legislative session wraps up with ethics rules
- Stone Bridge rallies past O’Connell in hockey championship game
- Woodgrove high schooler to take Philly Eagles linebacker to prom