I want to thank the candidates for their daily deposit of campaign literature. It is arriving just in time, since the weather is getting cooler, and we are starting to have fires at night now. Years ago, we would get the occasional postcard from candidates explaining their positions on various matters. We would read them and then just put them into recycling. But every year it seems that they have grown from weekly postcards to daily placards. And now they are nearly posters. I guess their campaign consultants told them that the bigger they are and the more they send us, the more likely they will help sway us voters (but I bet their consultants get a kickback from the print shops).

Anyway, they burn beautifully, and they make colors in the flames. The grandkids love them, so we are very grateful to the candidates. I think one is from Wendy and the other is from Nick. They all say the same thing, over and over. Wendy says Nick is awful, and Nick says Wendy will do a terrible job. I am sure they are both telling the truth, so at first I decided to vote for whomever sent me the most cards. But that seemed unfair since Nick’s were so much bigger. So then I decided to rank candidates by the combined square area of the cards. But the measuring was so tedious. So I guess that means I have to write-in someone. Again. Last cycle it was Ronald Reagan for president, but my wife told me he has passed away. Is John Warner still alive?

Peter F. Schaefer


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